I need a drink. Not even a drink. An IV of margaritas that go straight into my veins. Oh, I’m all talk. Did I tell you that I’ve given up drinking? For the past few months, I’ve noticed that whenever I drink I want to die. My muscles ache, and it’s like I have to choke down the drink to begin with. If I’m going to choke on something it should be broccoli or some other essential, life-affirming vegetable … not Malibu Rum. Do you know how much porn spam I’m going to get with all this choke talk? So, yeah, doing this fucking life sober. The good news is that I’m not an alcoholic so I can jump head first off this wagon at any given moment.
Speaking of wanting to mainline — this will get me all the international pharmacy spam — Veruca has been sick. After an auspicious beginning, she’s been home all fucking week with this cough fever combo. I’m amazed that it only took me 96 hours to really, really get used to her being away for a few hours a day. Needless to say, the illness hasn’t dimmed her personality. Tomorrow, I don’t care if I have to put ice cubes in her drawers, she is going. DD is ready to see her go. I am ready to see her go. And her school is ready to see her. They haven’t called, but I know in my heart that they miss her terribly. I’m sure of it. This is my mantra.
Can I talk about my site for a minute? Really, who could stop me? There’s been a weird trend that has happened as my traffic has increased. There is this amazing group of people that either silently or outwardly lend support. Amazing coming from a big crop of strangers. Thank you. I’m also starting to get the comments that cut. Someone said something nasty about Veruca today (that didn’t get published and they got one of my special, custom-made banned IP messages, too). I know it just goes with the territory and you cannot take these things personally. People really need a venue in which to release their aggressions and why the fuck not launch their crap at an innocent four-year-old? But I question where to draw the line. The other day a couple people implied that DD was starting to get better looking which, as a mother just translates into, “DD was ugly and now he’s not as ugly.” In cases like that, I just close comments. I knew those people didn’t come from a place of ill will and it’s more about my sensitivities as a mother who thinks all her kids are part of this huge constellation called Awesome. Anyway, this morning I emailed Heather Armstrong aka Dooce to ask for her advice. She’s running a successful site on a grand scale and I know she’s been faced with these same challenges. She didn’t reply to my email, but she did post this today. You know that I make all things in the universe about me, so I think it’s clear that she wrote it just for me. She talks about hatemail and how she created a whored-out page of ads and puts all her hate mail there. It’s pretty brilliant and an idea that I’m totally stealing … since she wrote it just for me.
Aspie had his counseling appointment today. Oh, wait — before I talk about that, HUGE NEWS: Aspie got in trouble for talking in school! You may have no idea what great news this is unless you have an Aspie in your life! He was talking in the lunch line when the kids were supposed to be quiet. He had a recess taken away, though his sentence was drastically reduced by the teacher and he ended up getting off with a warning. My kid, the one who couldn’t carry a conversation if it came with a handle, is now an obnoxious, hard to contain, chatterbox. Can juvie be far behind? I. Am. Thrilled. Okay, back to the doc. A hadn’t seen his doctor in about 18 months. It’s hard to describe this dude. He’s completely disheveled and I’m always struck by the fact that he wears white tube socks with dark brown dress shoes. And plaid … always plaid. He looks like the love child of that hamburger guy from Popeye — Wimpy? — and Mr. Magoo who got an additional DNA download from the Absentminded Professor.
Absentminded or not, he remembered so much about Aspie. I mean, I know he takes notes, but he remembered what my kid wore — that was a really fun phase we went through when Aspie was completely fixated on velvet blazers and neckties — the first time they met. He remembered their secret handshake (sure, he probably does the same handshake with all the kids, but this is my fantasy where my child is just so memorable), and A’s love of all things train-related.
Even as an underage child, Aspie is protected by doctor-patient confidentiality. Does it bug me that he goes behind closed doors and talks about God only knows what with someone not a parent? You betcha. I sit in the waiting room and flip through Family Circle, pondering turkey-shaped cookie place card holders and all the magic I could create if I actually used my label-maker (Family Circle just makes me feel like I’m not doing enough), and I look at the clock — a lot. I strain my ears and hear nothing other than Dr. Wimpy’s booming laugh and imagine that Aspie is telling all the bad ME stories. Like the time I went to add cold water to his bath and instead added scalding hot … WHILE HE WAS IN IT. I still haven’t forgiven myself for that. Or I imagine that he’s telling the good doctor that I serve too much processed food and he just longs for asparagus. I check the door often to see if CPS is coming up the hall for me. And if they do take me away, can I take my Family Circle with me? Since Martha Stewart got sprung, the female prison population has been missing special somethings like turkey-shaped cookie place card holders.
Dr. Wimpy was so thrilled with the changes in Aspie over the past year-and-a-half. We — Special K and my mother and I — certainly remember what he used to be like versus now, but it’s so nice to hear it from an outside, and for that matter paid-professional, party. Aspie no longer needs to be dressed like Hef to feel conversant. He can handle a handshake; hell, he can handle a hug. He gets the joke where he used to be so wholly and unwaveringly literal … you can imagine the fun we had with idioms. He has the ability to shift from one topic to another, even if his full range of topics is still pretty limited. Dr. Wimpy said it and I’ve said it too; he is a different child.
As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I said to A, “You know, I think it was so amazing the way Dr. W remembered so much about you. Your likes, your dislikes, your clothes and your school and things that you’ve struggled with.” Without missing a beat, Aspie replied, serving up his usual sigh-eye roll combination, “Uh, yes, Mother. Dr. W is what’s called a “Child Psychologist”. He’s supposed to remember all these things. It’s his job and he obviously does it well. It’s why I wanted to see him.”
Sigh. Looks like I might be jumping off that wagon sooner rather than later.
Tags: Asperger's Syndrome, Aspie, counseling, Devil Dog, Dr. Wimpy, Veruca
I love all your kids! They are all amazing in their own ways and I’m so happy for your that Aspie has made all these positive changes.
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Veruca is so freaking adorable. I think it’s so cute that they are already wearing Halloween attire. Have you been bombarded with ideas of costumes already? Can’t wait for that post.
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omg…i love that picture! V looks so happy and DD…well not so much…lol… have fun sending V to school tomorrow. sounds like you definitely need her to go back! and yay for all of Aspie’s positive changes!
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I am so happy to hear about Aspie’s improvements. My nephew has Asperger’s and I can totally relate to the excitement you feel about something like getting in trouble for talking in class. From just a month of visiting your site from time to time, I can tell you that Aspie IS special. All three of your children are. In a good way. Not that I think you need reassurance of that. You definitely are a (rightfully) proud mommy. You have every reason to be. Keep writing. Those who put you (or your children) down are just jealous that they are not blessed with three little muses like yours.
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Ok,..first..all of your kids are adorable! Ignore the hate mail…I hope they don’t hurt your feelings.
Second…I love how enlightening your website is with respect to Asperger’s! I have recently graduated with a degree in Psychology and yet, I am still learning so much through your articles about having a son with Asperger’s.
You have allowed me to gain a new perspective about the disorder. What is even more exciting is that if I am gaining new perspectives, than surely so are many other people who read this site.
Autism and Asperger’s are often difficult to understand, but you have a way with describing things, for example your son’s past and present tendencies.
I am happy that your son has been improving so much and I hope that he continues to do so!
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Wendie, you have one of the best blogs hands down of anywhere. I do not have children (wish I could-hoping to adopt) but I love you humor, writing and see similarities in your life to mine. You are always refreshingly honest whether you are bragging on your kids, yourself, others, whining, empathizing or just shooting the breeze. If others are negative then remember they are projecting or saying something about themselves not you or your family even though it might get presented that way. Thank you for sharing and I am thrilled to hear about Aspie’s progress he has really come into his own and it is in no small part do to you, Special K, grandma and of course Aspie himself though Veruca will claim all of the credit I am sure
I have someone in my life (business associate) who is negative, manipulative and can say things that sound so innocent or professional but they are twisted and evil and cut me to the bone. Recently I asked a friend how she deals with this since she is in a kind of cut throat field and she said “I have a box.” I asked my friend to tell me about this box, what kind? how big? shoebox? trunk size? can I pick one up at Pier 1 and she told me to get a grip! My friend then explained she literally visualizes a box in her head and when she gets this kind of non helpful self serving crap she said she closes her eyes and visualizes putting the comment and sometimes even the person in the box. I love this since I am visual and plan on using it immediately. I don’t know if it will be of use to you but I wanted to share it. Keep doing what you are doing and know you bring many of us laughs, smiles, and a little bit of joy and sunshine each day. Put the haters in a box or send them to Kanye West’s facebook page, they deserve each other!
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Oh Wendie, I beg of you, PLEASE publish the email addresses of those who decide to flex their monitor muscles. Honestly, who is that desperate that they need to pick on a baby? I hope if they are on here reading these comments they know what G-R-O-W-U-P spells. On a better note, ahhh yeah Aspie, way to go! Virtual high fives all around!
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admin Reply:
September 16th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Lol… Well maybe not their email addresses… But their comments? Bet on it!
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It fucking *hurts* when people say shit about my kids. No matter how pragmatic, level headed, ‘above it all’, smart I am, whatever. Some people are just assholes, and it cuts to the core. I’m truly sorry you had to fight back with some nobody about your babies, such bullshit.
A brilliant and savvy mom like you, Wendie, deserves nothing short of the highest praise and some fucking time off. No guilt. No cocksucker butting into your business that you so candidly and lovingly share with us who admire you.
You’re a gift.
And those people need to fuck the fuck off.
Ta-ta!
~Lu
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aawwww why is DD looking so sad…is he still bummed that he cant go to school yet??
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Dee Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:12 am
my guess would have been the skirt he’s wearing..
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seriously, who in the hell would pick on your kids?!?! they are so freaking adorable!!! and i agree with the other commenters; your blog is flipping hilarious, and it isn’t one of those “super-mom” ones that makes me feel guilty for feeding my kid easy mac. keep it up.
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I love reading your blog, your kid are too adorable, and the things they do are just priceless!
Shame on who ever dares pick on them!
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Glad to hear of Aspie’s improvements. I have a cousin with Asperger’s, so it’s always nice to read about Aspie’s changes and adaptations.
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I follow your blog, and comment every now and again. I don’t know if I’ve ever ‘fessed up to being a Special Education teacher in high school. I have several students with Asperger’s on my caseload, and I gain great insight when reading your entries about your son. I adore my own Aspie’s, and enjoy watching them grow and change.
BTW – I adore DD’s skirt!
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You really did hit the AS lotto. It’s heart warming to see the way Aspie grows and thrives.
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a few things: seriously, your 3 are adorable. I don’t have any children and wish to this universe that I did. I know that it’s not for me or my partner, but for you, it’s meant to be. So from someone who has 8 nieces and nephews and trust me I love them all, but they’re not all cute…you have 3 adorable kids. DD is particularly cute and from all the photos back he is…and he’s going to be a heartbreaker….not just on looks but because god help him…with V as his sister, he might tollerate us (women) just a little more than the average guy. So you already know V and A are cute…but for the record the rest of us think DD is adorable and alwasy has been.
and we’ll even donate more when I get my cc out and have your site up, just to spite the aholes.
so there.
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im a college student and this blog is basically my own brand of heroin (ew please disregard the gross twilight reference, heroin is the only drug you can die from the withdrawal) and i want to add my name to the “i want to marry DD” pool. i love your kids so much i read every single entry on this blog AND i’d totally babysit for free if i lived in ur area lol
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Fav pic of V and DD by far!!!!! I love the expression on DD’s face!!
I never understand why ppl bother leaving nasty comments or sending hate mail.
Why waste everyone’s time? If you’re that annoyed by the blog, stop reading!!
Your kids are amazing! I check for updates everyday cause I can’t wait to find out what this week will bring. the stories about V amaze me! She obviously is very special!! I can’t understand why anyone would want to direct negativity towards her, or any child for that matter. Easier said than done, but focus on all the positive feedback!
Your kids are wonderful and I am thankful that you are willing to open up your life to complete strangers and allow us to share their stories!
I don’t think you hear this enough on here… so, thank you!!
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Ehh, Wendie, I’d love to comment but I have this problem. The first comment on this post looks really small, and then the other comments are just getting bigger and bigger, the last comments looks HUGE and I get dizzy. What’s wrong? Could you fix it?
I’d love to read all the comments and then comment. 
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-Vickyy. Reply:
September 18th, 2009 at 12:08 am
Oh, and I totally meant to say “The last comment*” not “The last comments looks…”
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Ruati Reply:
September 18th, 2009 at 4:17 am
I thought thr was sm problem with my laptop or internet but even m facing the same thing…..can you check up on that please Wendie..thanks!!(getting vry dizzy while typing this)
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Devil Dog is a handsome little stud…and you know what they say…people who attack the way others look are just jealous. They prob. have some seriously unattractive kids. =]
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Christina Reply:
September 18th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Or they’re jealous because no kids at all!
I agree, DD is a handsome little guy. And I LOVE his berries and bacon song.
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Ignore the haters. How can anyone say anything bad about V? She’s absolutely adorable.
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Wendy, your kids are awesome, as are you. I go to your blog every day, hoping for new posts. The best thing Sasha ever did was hire you as a writer, because now I get to follow your own personal blog
I’m so happy to hear about the improvements that Aspie has made, good for him! He is such a special little guy.
And the picture that opened this post? PRICELESS. Veruca looks so ecstatic and DD looks more miserable than ever.
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I need to apologize to you, I’m not the most articulate person and when I said “Your youngest is really coming into his looks from these past few days of photos.” I swear I didn’t mean he was unattractive at all, it was a badly worded your son is really growing up in photos, he has started going from cute toddler into big kid features that he will have some of for the rest of his life.
Feel more then free to yell at me, block me or whatever you need to do, again I’m sorry I would never intentionally insult a child and I deserve to be slapped.
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admin Reply:
September 19th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Copa,
I could never slap you. You were one of my first and most staunch supporters over on EB and I’ll never forget that. Like I said, it’s more about my oversensitive, overprotective motherly ways, you know? Sorry, baby … you’re not blocked! xo
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Here’s my really large comment.
Using Dooce as an example: I have never understood why people feel compelled to visit a site again and again and again just because they hate it so much. And why they feel it is their duty to tell the author how much they hate them and what a bad person they are? Just this morning I read an article about how they inter-net is ruining real life manners. I have to believe it’s true. Does being anonymous really relieve their conscience? Don’t they walk around feeling horrible about purposely hurting people? Why can’t they just walk away?
Mami – I love your blog. As a semi-former/current long time stay-at-home mom, I appreciate your honesty. You tell things they way they are – don’t change. Your children are awesome and precious and you are a great mom.
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