Have I mentioned how much I enjoy dooce? I do. Heather Armstrong was genius enough to write about her life and make a lot of money doing it. I’ve read a lot of her blog and she’s an amazingly talented writer. I bought her book It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita. She’s a mother who built a dynasty off of her writing ability. I thought that my dream looked like that. I realize now that it does not.
As I just said, I am an avid reader of dooce. I started her book with lots of anticipation and it truly reads just like her website. Wit and wonderful turns of metaphor wrapped up with lots of humor. She’s a mommyblog calzone. After the first chapter, I couldn’t go any further. I was tired. I was surprised. I don’t know how she writes at the same level on every page. I am incapable of that consistency and intensity.
I have days, most days, that I’m really happy and in love with my children. I can take some very non-professional looking pictures and share the stories of our every day life. But when I’m sad and feel lost, I want to come here and tell you. I just can’t find a way to do it commercially. Does that make sense? I can’t do it with the writing acumen that’s required to be an “author.” I’m just this very basic human who lives in New England and I’ve learned something over the past couple of weeks: I can’t be “on” all the time.
People want me to be “on.” In the past few weeks, I’ve started to be approached by some companies that wanted me to review their products. I agreed. I was interviewed for a website and shared a lot of my life and how I attempt to balance the work and the family. Then I wrote this. Readers and friends and family responded five-hundred-fold more than I thought they would. I can’t even express to you what it has been like hearing from people, learning of their experiences. However, the sponsors disappeared and the interview was never published. I’m okay with that. My goal was always, first and foremost, to share of this life of mine and to hopefully make connections with other people. To say “Hey — why didn’t anyone ever tell me about all the other stuff that comes along with motherhood?” Sponsors and interviews can lead to me actually generating income from this site. It’s wonderful if it happens — I hope that it does — but it can’t ever get in the way of the process of sharing that happens here. Endorsing organic chocolate milk can never take precedence over the words.
I hope that you will be able to accept that of me. I’ve hesitated writing here lately since I haven’t been in my happiest space. Sometimes I think people just want one portion of my life, the joyful part. Unfortunately, this is my therapy and I really miss it. So, here’s the deal: A lot of times — most times — I’ll write about my family and we’ll all smile at Veruca’s ways and every once in a while we’ll all have to tolerate Wendie just writing what’s in her brain even if it isn’t commercially appealing, grammatically correct or — gasp! — happy and entertaining.
Thank you so much for your support over the past couple of weeks. I’m back and writing again as I know it’s best for my heart and mind. Also, I finally grew up and hired an actual web designer — an author, like … a famous chick — and she’ll be working on my site towards the end of the month. It will be a whole new look. I’m very thrilled about those changes!
the thing about that is, most people understand that no-one’s life is perfect. Understanding that although you generally write with humor, that there is going to be days where that will be far from what you are saying on the page. Anyone who has been living with depression themselves or with someone directly effected knows life aint always sunshine and roses, and i guess what i’m trying to say here is those who come here to hear from you won’t mind what you say, after all, its about your life, good bad or otherwise.
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I much enjoy hearing from other mothers who will admit that motherhood isn’t all flowers, rainbows, and hearts. I love my children with every part of me, but I’m human too. I get tired, frustrated, angry, exasperated, etc. and there are days when I’m glad to leave the house alone or drop them off at daycare. I absolutely detest hearing/reading/seeing anyone who can’t admit that life is well, life. It has it’s ups and downs and that’s just the way it is, motherhood included.
Don’t ever stop writing just because you’re down and don’t feel like laughing. I know it’s times like that that I need to talk the most. It hasn’t been that long since I found your site, but I check everyday for new posts. If the sponsors don’t want their product “tainted” with real life, then screw them. I personally pay more attention to the review of a real person than some person they hired who fits their idea of a “perfect spokesperson.”
Congrats on hiring a web designer that you’re happy with!
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You can’t appreciate the sunshine if you never get rained on. I read your blog because your honest and humorous.
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Had to say that I personally enjoy your blog more than Dooce. I can see the appeal of Armstrong’s, but I enjoy your brand of humor (and everything else) much more. Congrats on the new designer!
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Ellen DeGenereous (& Portia) were on your friend Oprah’s show today. O was telling her how joyfully, radiantly happy, at peace etc etc, she looks. And Ellen said she certainly was: happily married to P, happy with her successful show, her health is at its best, yada yada. However, what she essentially said was that when she embraced her “authentic” (Oprah’s favorite word!) self ….when she was honest about herself, w/out putting on a show of BEING funny all the time, w/out TRYING to please others, w/out doing anything but telling HER truth, she became this happy, content, fulfilled person who really is joyfully content….EVEN THOUGH she didn’t work for 3 yrs after coming out, and was bacially ostricized, and went through a really tough time…..but, it brought her to the wonderful place she is now.
So be “on” when and if you want to be on, but march to your own drummer when you need to.
Bottom Line: ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and not worry about readers, advertisers, or what anybody is feeling about this space and what you put in it.
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Wendie, we know that no one can be “on” at all times, except maybe Miley. And Family Guy confirmed that she is a robot yesterday.
Aaanyway…
We appreciate your humour, your honesty and your intelligence. We are here to support you, whether or not it’s talking about Christmas wish lists, or deeper, darker things. I know I speak for many readers when I say that we are here for YOU, not your.. words, you know? We are here because YOU come through your writing. And I know how cathartic writing is. Please don’t hold back from us. We want your words, joyful or not.
We are here for you. Your true fans (and friends) want to support you no matter what. Please do what you need to feel better, but don’t think that we are here to judge.
We love you and your family, Wendie. Come back to us soon <3
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Wendie, reading what you write has made me care about you (granted, in a very distant you-live-in-New England, I-live-in-the-Midwest, and-never-the-twain-shall-meet way), and I just want to encourage you to write whatever you want. I am not judging your syntax or punctuation, or coming here just to be entertained, or even just out of habit. I like you and I like reading what you write. I’ve been praying for you (I’m a pray-er), and I’m just glad you have this outlet to express yourself. Everyone certainly needs one.
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I really love Dooce too. I actually found your blog inadvertently through twitters about her..Now however I find myself liking your blog even more than hers..It is closer to my life probably. More relatable, honest, real.
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If I left whenever someone needed to express a bad day I wouldn’t have anyplace left to go, for what little it’s worth, I have no plans to leave you for being human and having a whole scale of emotions.
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People have got to understand that there is not a single person in the whole world that’s always happy and smiling… Everyone has issues, and has to deal with them.
Don’t worry, you’ll have readers even when you’re not happy and smiling, and they (well, I should say “we” cause I don’t miss a single thing you write) will always support you… Be strong and don’t let ignorant people get you down! 
I personally adore your writing style and I could read your blogs all day long. When I first stumbled upon mommytopia, I could not click the little x and leave the website. I love it! So much that I’ve even gotten a few of my friends to read it as well. And I totally understand how you need a place to vent, and that your blog is that place. I just wish I was a talented writer and had an audience to vent to…
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I totally get what you mean, Miss Wendie. Whenever I’m sad or angry, I turn to my blog and I write about my feelings. My website expired last month so you can just imagine how lost I am every time I feel bad and there’s no more DDwMD to turn to.
So now, what I do is I read your blog for little cheer-me-ups. I find your work very helpful. And I hope that you’ll be okay soon and come back writing for more. =)
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I don’t read many american mommyblogs (or blogs in general) mostly because I’m a 20 year old italian girl currently living in Romania, but I check yours and dooce’s everyday, with the exact same excitement when I find a new post waiting for me. My urge to read is completely irrational, maybe a bit creepy, but I think you’d like to know this.
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I love you for you, “on” or “off”, doesn’t matter. I love to read what you write.
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Wendie…my first thought, at first glance about dooce…is, that is why they have editors…because no one can be “on” all the time. Your book will go to an editor and/or during your writing, will help you keep the tone. No matter what anyone tells you, there is a structure in publishing and we all use editors. (except me, and I should, which is why I don’t write). Editors are there to keep the creative people (example: you) creating, while they worry about syntax and tone….
As far as the rest…you have your outlets…and there are other “money-making” opportunities around the corner. Don’t sell yourself short. That was ONE thing. IF an actor goes on 100 auditions and only gets 1 call back and they keep going…and an artist paints for 10 years and only sells 1 painting…why expect a writer to be able to score a deal immediately.
Just a thought. We all know you’re fabulous at sharing all aspects of your life and why wouldn’t we want the positive, the negative and the humorous…isn’t that what makes you, well, you?
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I can’t speak for everyone but I come here because you are one of the few people out there that I can relate to. Like, really relate to. I feel like I’ve known you forever. So much of what you write about, the good and the bad, resonates in experiences I’ve had in my own life. And when I read your words, it’s like hearing advice from my sister. You are LIGHT YEARS ahead of the switched-on’s, the ones who are always up and at ‘em. Trust me. Some of us are followers, and some of us are leaders. You, my Lady, are the latter. I can’t wait for the day I get to finally met you at one of your book signing tours. It’s gonna rock!
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I’m not hatin’ – I’m just sayin’….
Heather B. Armstrong is an amazingly talented woman – the writing, the photography… HOWEVER, despite many tries, I absolutely cannot get into her blog.
There’s something about it that seems – unauthentic. (Inauthentic?) It’s too polished, too professional. It’s as if every post was written as a potential chapter for a book. To me, it seems a step away/at arm’s length from what one would *really* write.
Then there are people like me, and obviously your loyal readers, who like our reading to be not at the writer’s arm’s length. Wendie, we want your hand to be right. in. that. primordial. stew.
I consider your writing to be like early Erma Bombeck. Maybe that’s not what you want to hear, but I think it fits. You tell it like it is, not like what you think people want to read. Motherhood is challenging. Sometimes it really sucks. Mothers aren’t perfect, we’re human and we do the best we can even when we don’t effing feel like it.
Your writing is different than Heather B. Armstrong’s. Maybe her style is what you aspire to, which is perectly fine. But what we’re all telling you is to embrace what you’ve got as a terrific start. You have incredible wit and insight of your very own. Most of all, you’re honest.
I occasionally do *Turbo Jam* workout videos. At one point, the Turbo Jam lady, Chalene Johnson, says encouragingly, “Now…be true to your own style!” As corny as it sounds, it’s something I incorporate into my every day lingo. I’ll sometimes shake my head at myself and think, “no, that’s not being true to my own style.”
Be true to your own style. It’s a good phrase, really.
Just keep writing. Not every post has to be perfect, or happy, or witty or ultra insightful. It evens out – some posts are keepers, some are everyday things. But every bit of writing works toward finding a stronger voice.
One last note: I know from my own writing, having people say: “Oh, you’re such a good writer, keep it up, yes, you should write that book!” The words lose their meaning. “Well, today, I feel like a shitty writer and I’m complaining again!” I think to myself.
But everyone here who is saying that to you, we feel you are onto something. Just stick with it. What’s the worst that can happen?
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as a fellow someone who is also regularly pressured to always be ‘on’, i feel you. and i’d rather read your up’s and down’s any day over someone’s constant happiness. when i read the posts that are depressed or down, i feel like i’m commiserating with you… because even though are experiences are probably different, i still get it. and if i ever get rich, i’d be more than happy to throw some kind of endorsement deal your way.
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“Try” said it best about Dooce.
I’m not a mom, but your blog is my absolute FAV! I just adore how real you are. Of course, I appreciate your writing skills, too. Your wit, however, is just priceless! No, ‘priceless’ is the way you make me feel normal. I love the fact that you’re not always “on”. Nobody is on all the time. Nobody. I prefer YOU… scratches, scrapes & bruises!
Keep up the great work, Wendie! We’ll be here for all of it!
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It’s all pretty much been said above, and I definetly agree. I love your honesty. I love that you are real. I love that I can come here and hear about real life, a life both different and similiar to mine. A normal life. No fluffy bunny farts, rainbows and lollipop bullshit here and I like it.
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I would like to echo what others have said. I think you do a wonderful job putting yourself out here for all to read in a respectable and honest manner. I too find you much more enjoyable to read than dooce. In fact, a while back I decided I needed to curb my blog reading and find I no longer have any desire to read dooce but am still coming back to this blog waning more!
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we come here because we love what’s in your brain on bad days as well as good.
Any sponsors or interviewers that don’t see your true value are really losing out in my opinion. Especially since that post you referred to clearly struck a chord with so many people, if that s their reasonings they are very very silly indeed.
Just to repeat what others have said , stay true to yourself we love you that way
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Wendy.. I read about 8 pages of that Dooce site. And some posts were good. I did kind of get the feeling of “selling out” from it, but god, like I wouldn’t. Anyway, I actually think your blog is much wittier and funnier. Even with all of you, not just the funny.. it’s better.
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You’ll write an amazing book some day, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind.
And that’s weird about the sponsorships — traffic on my personal blog plummets when I’m not mid-depression. No one cares about me when I’m happy. But I guess we write our personal blogs for two different types of audiences. Your personal blog is amazing and touching and, well, PERSONAL, and it’s why I hired you in the first place. Your voice absolutely shines. And it will shine when you write an amazing best-selling book.
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Don’t worry, Wendie – if you were “on” all the time, I think that would make for very boring articles! I love reading Mommytopia because it’s real life stuff. Even if it’s you in a cranky mood, I still enjoy it just as much as if you were writing some bogusly cheerful news about birthday parties and such. Don’t get down on yourself so much! We love you.
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