I heard about the Elf on the Shelf a couple years ago. This scrap of felt with a head is reportedly making children everywhere behave during the holiday season. Personally, I have a year-round “no brat” policy, but 2009 is the year that has called for some extra reinforcements.
It’s just a random Saturday night around here, so I dug out the elf and the book and gathered the kids and Special K on the couch. The premise is simple: You name your elf, register him online and read the book. Every night when the kids go to bed, the elf travels to the North Pole to deliver a daily report of the behavior he witnessed that day. He probably wouldn’t have cost 29 bucks if he used email instead of actually travelling to the North Pole and back every 24 hours. Don’t these bastards know about Webex?
Aspie listened to the story with his typical, spectrum-ish “Santa’s not real and this is a bunch of bullshit” disdain. He was able to temporarily suspend his cynicism long enough to suggest the name Nicky for our new elf. His minions readily agreed that Nicky was the best name ever.
Veruca is totally and completely into this elf thing. Since we perched him on the mantle — did I mention that he needs to be put in a different place every day before the kids awake? Yeah, another fucking thing for me to remember … there’s no doubt that I will screw this up — she has been talking to him constantly since he became a part of the family. She’s already: 1) confessed to telling me a lie and 2) helped Devil Dog brush his teeth tonight. Her normal M.O. is to slam the bathroom door in his face so she can do her bedtime routine sans annoying brother. She thinks Nicky is very cute and keeps telling him that. This is going to be one egotistical elf.
DD is suspicious. He asked me how Nicky can see what he’s doing if he doesn’t even move his head. He keeps yelling “He’s not real, Veruca! He’s just not real!” Of course, this is the same child that, upon being served homemade chocolate chip cookies the other day (yes, I have my moments) started screeching “These cookies aren’t right! They just aren’t right!” He may have been swayed ever so slightly when I registered Nicky online and his adoption certificate magically printed out. Wireless printing may be one of the most effective methods of snuffing out DD’s cynicism.
It will be interesting to see if Nicky’s magic will be effective long-term. I will say that it’s pretty quiet right now and at 6:51 the two youngest are all ready for bed thanks to their own initiative. Veruca just asked me if she should head to bed now.
No matter what happens, I think Special K nailed it most accurately when he said “We are going to be so screwed on December 26th, you realize.”
Tags: Elf on the Shelf
I couldn’t stop smiling through the whole entry.
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Love it! Something to keep in mind for when I have kids someday. haha!
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is there something like this for teenagers?
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admin Reply:
November 21st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Absolutely. It’s called “Activate the GPS on their cellphone”
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Vicky Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Oh man, I’m 16, and if my mom EVER activates the GPS on my blackberry I’d probably shoot myself. Lol.
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Veruca is so darn cute, and DD is too smart for his own good!! I love your kids so much <3
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By the way, I looove this idea. Good concept for keeping kids in line (for a month. )
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I am so torn this year. My three oldest (12, 12, and 13) know about Santa. The baby obviously doesn’t. Hell, she doesn’t even know WHO the dude is yet. But my nine year old *sigh* is “at the age”. So do I, or do I not tell her? I suspect she knows. Let’s be realistic, she’s probably known. But I only recently (and I mean within the past two months) told her about the Easter Bunny & the Tooth Fairy. I was her age when I found out (about Santa), because by 13 year old brother led me to the secret hiding spot one day while my mom was at work, and we unwrapped, opened, played with, repackaged as best we could, and re-wrapped, every gift. Every single gift. Even the ones that were for our other siblings lol. I could remember being a little wowed about it, too. For the past three years, I’ve been leaving boot footprints, tracks of glitter and oatmeal, letters in return, you name it. I even tell her that every Decemeber Santa comes for coffee one morning to catch up with me and review her ‘naughty and nice’ list. I am really on the fence and leaning toward telling her, but this whole elf thing? I had no idea these things even existed (ha! how’s that for irony!). I think I’ll take a crack at it and try to get this one last year with her.
Cherish it while you still can. One day they’re 3, and before you know it, you turn around and suddenly they’re 13. What I would not give to have all of my kids back in diapers again. For real.
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Lisa Reply:
November 30th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Don’t tell her!!! My daughter is nine and all of her friends don’t believe in Santa Claus. My response: “Well hunny, you don’t have to believe in Santa Claus. I know a lot of your friends don’t. And you know what, those friends that don’t believe have lost Santa. Their parents now have to pretend to be Santa and leave presents under the tree because the real Santa is lost to them forever. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO RECEIVE!”. And, it has worked. She told me wholeheartedly that she believes in Santa and she feels sorry for her friends who have lost Santa. A couple of days ago she wrote out her list and put it in the mail.
I do feel guilty about lying, but it is such innocence to believe in Santa and I can’t stand the thought of her losing her innocence. She has a whole adulthood of shattered dreams awaiting her (as do/did we all); I see no reason to start it at 9 years old. I will keep Santa alive as long as I can.
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Oh my gosh – this is hilarious! What a great concept. It helps that the elf looks really creepy. How great would it be if he had remote controlled eye movements?
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That’s an excellent idea, lol!
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thats so adorable… i also smiled through that.. it should be interesting to see if it lasts the month of december..
however special k has it right, once christmas is done you are going to be screwed!
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I’m with Aspie on this one. Probably because I’m raising my own spectrum kid. We just don’t do Santa. We’d literally have to train it into him and then fade it out when it’s age appropriate that he not believe. That’s way too much work for me. Plus spectrum kids do not appreciate being lied to—and that’s how they see it. So I just told him it’s a fun pretend game a lot of people play, Don’t ruin it for the others, etc…
I saw the elf on the shelf in stores a few months ago. (The marketing for Christmas starts in the summer in my area of the US.) Maybe I’m just old, crusty and jaded but I thought “another thing to get people’s money.” Yes, I need to increase my happy pill dosage.
I do think it’s cute that V is ALL about it. It seems to me she just really wants life to be more magical. That’s kinda cool. This is the first time I’ve seen DD be less fantasy oriented than V. I thought he just followed her lead. It’s cool to see him come into his own.
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Wendie…if I was your child I would cry at the sight of this doll. And the fact that you have to move it each night? Even creepier. Did I mention I have an irrational fear of gnomes…lol…
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admin Reply:
November 24th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Yes, but my kids have to contend with me as their mother. They must be fearless.
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