I heard about the Elf on the  Shelf a couple years ago.  This scrap of felt with a head is reportedly making children everywhere behave during the holiday season.  Personally, I have a year-round “no brat” policy, but 2009 is the year that has called for some extra reinforcements.

It’s just a random Saturday night around here, so I dug out the elf and the book and gathered the kids and Special K on the couch.  The premise is simple:  You name your elf, register him online and read the book.  Every night when the kids go to bed, the elf travels to the North Pole to deliver a daily report of the behavior he witnessed that day.  He probably wouldn’t have cost 29 bucks if he used email instead of actually travelling to the North Pole and back every 24 hours.  Don’t these bastards know about Webex?

Aspie listened to the story with his typical, spectrum-ish “Santa’s not real and this is a bunch of bullshit” disdain.  He was able to temporarily suspend his cynicism long enough to suggest the name Nicky for our new elf.  His minions readily agreed that Nicky was the best name ever.

Veruca is totally and completely into this elf thing.  Since we perched him on the mantle — did I mention that he needs to be put in a different place every day before the kids awake?  Yeah, another fucking thing for me to remember … there’s no doubt that I will screw this up — she has been talking to him constantly since he became a part of the family.  She’s already:  1)  confessed to telling me a lie and 2)  helped Devil Dog brush his teeth tonight.  Her normal M.O. is to slam the bathroom door in his face so she can do her bedtime routine sans annoying brother.  She thinks Nicky is very cute and keeps telling him that.  This is going to be one egotistical elf.

DD is suspicious.  He asked me how Nicky can see what he’s doing if he doesn’t even move his head.  He keeps yelling “He’s not real, Veruca!  He’s just not real!”  Of course, this is the same child that, upon being served homemade chocolate chip cookies the other day (yes, I have my moments) started screeching “These cookies aren’t right!  They just aren’t right!”  He may have been swayed ever so slightly when I registered Nicky online and his adoption certificate magically printed out.  Wireless printing may be one of the most effective methods of snuffing out DD’s cynicism.

It will be interesting to see if Nicky’s magic will be effective long-term.  I will say that it’s pretty quiet right now and at 6:51 the two youngest are all ready for bed thanks to their own initiative.  Veruca just asked me if she should head to bed now.

No matter what happens, I think Special K nailed it most accurately when he said “We are going to be so screwed on December 26th, you realize.”